The Wagon

I heard an interesting statistic recently - that around 70% of the pictures posted on Facebook contain people in some state of inebriation.

A quick look through some of my 600-odd "Photos of Me" on Facebook shows that my proportion of drunken photos is much closer to 100%! Thankfully, those days when a camera was an essential accessory on a night out are long since gone; and certain friends have started to grow out of the tendency of snapping every embarrassing situation on their camera phone.

I'm currently at the tail end of a 5 day bender. As a result of this, my wallet is considerably lighter, I haven't had a clear head since Christmas Eve, and I don't even want to think about my poor liver. This seems to have been a running theme throughout December, with work functions, birthdays and general merriment with old friends.

A few Sundays ago, after a particularly heavy Friday and Saturday, I uttered those famous words "I'm never drinking again". This seems to be an increasingly frequent occurrence, with the hangovers getting worse as I get older. Anyway, in my fuzzy-headed state, something must have clicked, because I turned to my brother and said to him "I won't drink during the whole of 2012".

He laughed it off, and offered me a small bet, saying that this would be the easiest £50 he'd ever made. I'm a stubborn bastard at times, and his certainty in my lack of willpower has served to change this flippant comment into something that I'm actually going to try to do!

Since I've told various friends and family members about my plan, I've been met with a mixture of reactions: disbelief and ridicule being the predominant two. Interestingly, some people are actually angry at the fact I'm trying to do this, saying that I'm just being stupid. Even more eye-opening is that fact that noone has said that what I'm doing is a sensible idea.

Admittedly there is a loophole in this bet, in that I'm allowed to drink outside of the UK. This was largely because I had a couple of music festivals booked for next summer, and the prospect of doing those in a state of sobriety is extremely unappealing!

So why am I doing this, you ask?

I'm not a violent drunk, I don't put cigars out in people's eyes like Joey Barton, don't make racial slurs against bathroom attendants like Cheryl Cole, and don't start fights.

Most of the time I don't sing loud football chants in the middle of the street (unlike others I know!). I don't even try to cook food at stupid hours in the morning, setting off fire detectors in the process (again, another unnamed friend)!

There are a number of reasons for me doing this, which I'll list out:

a) My hangovers have got to the state where I'm spending entire Saturdays and Sundays in a zombie-like state, not talking to anyone, not shifting my behind off the same spot on the sofa, and watching hours of Two and a Half Men and Big Bang Theory re-runs.

Not a good use of time if you ask me.

Add in a headache that feels as though I've gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson, and a stomach that still burns from last night's booze, and that should be enough to put anyone off!

b) From a financial point of view, the amount I've spent boozing this past year could have bought me a small Carribean island. Once you factor in dinner, club entry, a couple of rounds of drinks, a dodgy late night takeaway, and a taxi back to Bushey, I'll be lucky to see change from £100. This would be fine for something that happens once every few weeks, but when its a bi-weekly thing, then it puts a serious dent in the bank balance.

c) This past year, I have, at various stages, played a weekly game of five-a-side football, and studied Kung Fu/San Shou. Arguably my fitness, at various stages this year is better than its ever been. Then my good friend alcohol comes along, and ruins all that hard work that's taken place during the year. In 2012, I'm looking to concentrate on my fitness in a big way, and really make a go of some type of martial art. Admittedly I'm not a very good footballer or martial arts student, but I do try hard, and an unpolluted body may actually help me to improve.

d) The prospect of getting one over on those who don't believe I can do it is very enticing!

How the hell am I going to achieve this?

Sadly, alcohol has become an integral part of life in London. For both work and social occasions, it is important to have a drink, in order facilitate conversation. Its difficult to think of a city event where booze doesn't play a key part. I respect people who are tee-total but wonder how they manage to make a success of life in London, and especially in financial services, where drinking is the key to networking. I guess I'll be finding this out soon enough.

Again, apologies to the full-time teetotallers but on occasion, I feel like a more eloquent, interesting person after a couple of drinks - a feeling I know is shared by a few of my peers. Interesting things also have more of a tendency to happen after a few drinks!

Accordingly, I will ensure that I am not the first person to go home from a night out, and will try to reenact my drunken persona as best as I can, in my sober state!

And if I'm with you in the pub, please don't say to me "come on mate, just one pint, no-one needs to know...". I'm a sucker for peer pressure!

How likely am I to actually achieve this?

Admittedly, I myself have doubts over whether I can accomplish this or not.

From my point of view, if I have even a couple of months where my body is unpolluted, then I'm happy. I set myself an ambitious target deliberately so that (to paraphrase the great Bill Nicholson) even if I fail, there'll be an element of success!

Of course, it may all go to pot, and I may have a drink in the first week of January, in which case the past hour writing this blog was completely wasted (no pun intended)! As Mihir said, this may well be the easiest £50 he will ever make.

I'd like to stress the fact that I'm NOT an alcoholic - my poor mother is probably reading this blog, getting ready to march me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting right now! I do like a drink, be it a social pint, a bottle of wine over dinner, and, on occasion, a full scale bender, ending in some dingy late night kebab shop.

I'm sure I'll miss it, for the majority of this year, but hopefully, there will be some benefits from my hiatus.

In the meantime, I advise any shareholders of Anheuser Busch or Diageo that your profits may be down this year!

Apologies if this blog was a bit rambling - I am hungover after all!!

As Frank Sinatra once said:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day"

Well, I guess I'm going to be one of those people next year!!

Anyway, much love

Nihal

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